It would be hard, but man, it’s hard! All of the 3rd years (now 4th! woo) kept saying (when we saw them in early May) don’t worry, it will be over soon and that 3rd year is so much better. Secretly I thought, it’s not that bad…they must really hate studying.
The beginning of May marked 2 things: the END…I repeat…END of 2nd year (omg!!) and the beginning of board prep for the first step of the medical boards (hm….) For the past two years I’ve felt this pressure, this fear, let’s be honest … hatred? of my classes. The continuous exams, quizzes daily, the fear of failing class and having to remediate at the end of May in the midst of board prep, the exhaustion, it was basically my personal hell. I’m the one that excels in personal relationships ( much more of a ‘feeler’) and struggled with the class part. So, the past two years have been challenging to say the least. They have pushed me in new ways, made me proud of my ability to adjust and excel, and have made me yearn for that first week in May when I could put them behind me and move on. Well that week came, I didn’t have to remediate anything (woo!!), and when I saw the 3rd years and they felt bad for me because I was entering board study mode. In my mind it was basically the best thing to happen to me since June 14 2010.
But now I’m here and now I know. I’m now 3 weeks into studying, 5 days away from being done with DIT (Doctors in Training step 1 prep course), hundreds of practice questions deep and I’m terrified. It’s the MCAT all over again. The fear of losing it all because of a test.
I have to remind myself on a daily basis that we have a 97%-ish pass rate and that if I’m doing what I ‘should’ be doing daily… I ‘should’ pass, right? Just another exercise in positive thinking and calming the f*** down. If you don’t calm down and are in constant anxiety your sympathetic nervous system (flight or flight..help a lion is chasing me system) kicks into action. This makes it difficult for ‘executive functioning’ of our brain, or in other words, we can’t really think straight for things like multiple choice exams when we just want to survive! So my biggest challenge is staying CALM!
Everyday comes and goes and by 5pm I’m done with my videos and ready for a break with the pooch. Take some time, cook, walk, mayyyybbeee some yoga (if I’m feeling calm enough to use that time for yoga and not studying! ) and then back to the books.
Last night Ant and I got froyo after he got off from work! It felt like the first ‘date’ we went on in literally months, it lasted approximately 20 minutes and it was awesome.
Looking at beautiful photos of beautiful times really helps carry me through. My photos of Maui from last July have literally lasted me almost a year in inspiration and peace of mind, it’s just so pretty there!