Well, I think the lesson I’m starting to learn in medical school, save for the magnitude of informaiotn about nerves, drugs and bacterial infections, is that nothing really goes as planned. In particular: you don’t know as much as you think you do. Seriously, I thought that was funny when the 2nd year students said it, that perhaps that was just for them, maybe they didn’t focus as much, well my lesson is learned. It is true for ALL of us. We are being put through the ringer and when we think we’re ready to reach that goal of an A on an exam, we’re knocked down. Buried under dirt. Watered. and left. there. to think.

Okay, it’s not THAT bad, but it is pretty intense. This past class in particular, neuroscience, is notoriously the hardest course. Of course I heard from people that it was very doable if we just put the time in, great! That was my game plan: put the time in and ace neuro, right? Wrong! Putting the time in did not get me that A I was hoping for. Instead I got pretty low grades, I passed…I did above average (most of the time)…but did not get out what I thought I put in. Hm.

Well that’s ok, I thought I would go on to conquer my patient encounter. The final opportunity to prove we’ve learned how to take a history, perform a physical, & diagnose simple and common presentations in a clinic, simple enough? Well apparently not. We’re timed for these  exams and have to write the perfect SOAP note as well as be graded by our patient on how well we did what we were supposed to do. Generally, piece of cake. However, today, not so much. I ran out of time. I didn’t finish the note and I had probably the messiest writing I’ve ever had. I feel like I’m in the middle of a overall bad streak.

I’m trying very hard to get a lesson out of this. I’m trying to learn from life and take what it throws at me. It is SO hard though to not what to throw in the towel. I’ve worked my ass off over the past few months and have not impressed. Is this just because medical school is really hard? Are we supposed to do just average while working our ass off, is that the punch line of this hilarious production of “Med school: Bad for your health, good for ours?”

Next week we have a case presentation for a patient with myasthenia gravis. In front of 4 professors and our classmates, bring it on. Let me forget what I’m saying, forget what we’re doing, and answer questions absurdly wrong, why not? it seems to fit the trend.

I’m embracing this havoc. I don’t know how else to go about it–this is because my other option is pure anxiety. Of course, in our behavioral medicine & psychiatry class we learned today that people balance on a fine line between experiencing anxiety and depression and the thickness of that line is different for everyone. I don’t want to go there.

Today I’ve had:

-half a low carb wheat tortilla w/ sunbutter & honey

-black tea w/ soy milk

-italian wedding soup

-apple chips

-dark chocolate covered apricot (1)

I’m going to meet with my group and then make my way on a hike.walk w/ my amazing sister. Thank god for siblings, especially sisters!

You know what would make today better? Watching the trainwork that is Real Housewives of NYC…only the best 🙂